A couple of weeks ago, I sat with a friend in front of Sundaes & Cones on a bench. We caught up over artisan ice cream–I had two scoops of thai tea and taro, and he had thai tea and something else fancy. He told me about his boyfriend. They live together and their very much in love. In fact, we saw him later on that afternoon. They look so happy and excited every time they see one another, even if they had only been a part a few short moments.
On the bench, he asked me how I was doing. As usual, I began to talk about work. Work seems to dominate most of my conversations when people ask me how I’m doing. He stopped me and asked me about men. He specifically asked me if I had heard from and ex or if I was currently seeing anyone. I said no to both questions and then, for whatever reason, it all hit me.
Last year, a group of friends of mine on Twitter live-tweeted Bishop T. D. Jakes’ famous sermon “Woman, Thou Art Loosed.” We did it mainly for shits and giggles, only to find our spirits to be full and a word to carry with us. Jakes said a lot in the sermon, most of which didn’t apply to me, but there was one thing that stood out.
“We always wonder why we’re single. Whine and complain. Perhaps you’re single because God isn’t healing you yet.”
Sitting on the bench, I talked about what I was in the process of being healed from: Almosts. My life is filled with Almosts. Almost were together but… Almost fucked but… He almost moved here but…We almost loved each other but… Almosts add up and I don’t have any free mental or emotional real estate for someone to come in and be who they were sent to be in my life. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that it’s important to recognize what is holding you back, and ask God for healing from what you both recognize and don’t.
While I sat on the bench and finished my ice cream, God began to work before I even asked Him. I received a text message from an almost. I deleted it. And it felt good.